Be like water.

I am often asked how to advocate successfully for a child. After more than 22 years of advocacy, litigation, negotiation, and hundreds of mediations, parents (as well as advocates and attorneys) want to know techniques for negotiation and advocacy. My answer often initially perplexes them. Be like water.

As parents, advocates, and even attorneys, most of us can often feel like we are constantly running into brick walls, hearing the word “no,” and dealing with school staff who while being kind and working hard are often overwhelmed and unwilling to offer help. Unfortunately many individuals working in our public school's don’t know their legal responsibilities. Some know them and choose to ignore them for multiple reasons. As an attorney, I spend each day listening to parents who want only one thing for their child, an education. By the time they get to me, it is only out of sheer desperation. Most of them tried to be diplomatic, friendly, kind, informative, and as the years passed become defensive, frustrated, and fearful as their child falls further behind or begins to experience greater behavioral or psychological struggles. Many families don’t have the resources to pay for hours of tutoring while their child is in school already more than 30 hours a week. When a mother, who simply wants her child to learn to read, looks at me with tear-filled eyes and asks what to do next - my answer is simple. Be like water.

There is a quote in a Margaret Atwood book, the Penelopiad, which sums up how to get change.

“Water does not resist. Water flows. When you plunge your hand into it, all you feel is a caress. Water is not a solid wall, it will not stop you. But water always goes where it wants to go, and nothing in the end can stand against it. Water is patient. Dripping water wears away a stone. Remember that, my child. Remember you are half water. If you can't go through an obstacle, go around it. Water does.”

In negotiation, advocacy, education and life - the key is to know that you have the ability to overcome and to be flexible and patient enough to go for what your child needs. To learn the skills to advocate and empower yourself with strength and courage. Water can be incredibly powerful. So be like water, my friends. Know that you are a force to be reckoned with, that obstacles can be overcome. Approach the world with flexibility and knowledge, focus on the goals and as Ms. Atwood said, “Remember that, my child. Remember you are half water.”